Welcome to this space where I share stories, connect, and reflect on life's journey in a deeply human and more personal way. Like conversation with friends. For more educational topics and themes you might want to visit my Somatic Pleasure Coaching page and explore what’s on offer there.
The movie “Legend,” is about two brothers, who are gangsters and both prone to violence. One, mainly because of context… The place that he grew up and the influences in his life. The other mainly because he is a psychopath.
Now, this is a perfect example of how we hear things and the inherent faultiness of human memory.
At some point Ron, the psychopath, is watching a band play at his club and says to his friend, "I want to blow the soul out of that horn."
What I heard was ........ “I want to blow his soul out.”
That misheard line struck me and made me ask, “Is that evil?” And THAT question unraveled into a philosophical rabbit hole about the nature and existence of evil, the sometimes violent feelings around wanting to "help" people, and my own imperative to make meaning and purpose out of apparent chaos.
My whole life has been about wanting to blow my own soul out. And for me, that means completely eradicating the veil of my conditioning, and the lie of separation.
When I first experienced this sense of release and opening, it created a sense of urgency...and Evangelical fervor! A profound somatic sensation, like something exploding inside and needing a place to land......
“I want to blow his soul out!”
I wanted to blow peoples souls out. At times I experienced this desire as a violent, internal rage like sensation.
I wanted to shout, “wake the fuck up." I wanted to shake you awake!
I wanted explode your conception of yourself. I wanted to, “blow your soul open.” I wanted to make you see the truth of yourself, and quit living the lies of separation, and smallness, and mediocrity.
Wake the fuck up! Quit choosing the look good according to what everybody else thinks… The dominant paradigm… And see yourself as the whole instead of the hole.
Jump out of yourself. Drown yourself. Eradicate everybody else’s vision of what you think you should be or can be, and be your authentic self.
There is a truth there. It is paradoxical. It is a conundrum. It is a Catch-22. We can only know ourselves by not knowing ourselves, or by unknowing ourselves. And by knowing that, I also know that I am NOT the truth holder and I certainly can't go around bashing people in the head with MY TRUTH. (See what I mean?)
As I continue to try to hold onto a structure so tightly (my truth, even if "enlightened"), I miss the opportunities of ever more vast expansion and connection with others. And, in the end, it’s all about relationship, and connection, and accepting our primal, creative, sensate natures.
As I strive and yearn for change, and shift, and growth, and… Something different… I can have the tendency to "throw the baby out with the bathwater," missing the opportunity of the wisdom of the past and current structures.
We know the desire for novelty is good, and we understand it as the place of creativity, and growth, and evolution. But remember, we are looking for a renaissance; a bringing forward the old into the new; changing language, changing perspective. Recognizing, and owning, and honoring, and celebrating our continuous human evolution.
"We are only as good as we were … and we can only be as good as we strive to be."
In that acceptance comes true freedom; the freedom that allows for the chaotic moments built on structure, but that are leading to new structure. It’s the acceptance of that in-between state as being life, because we are always in-between searching for the expansion while craving order.
Finally, I believe we are on the verge of the huge paradigm shift in humanity and taking responsibility for the renaissance is the first step.
Next week I'll explore this continued journey.
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