Navigating the Unexpected
As a man navigating societal expectations, I can see how we have been "expected" to find insecure women to protect and save. It’s like we’ve been trained to look for those who need their insecurities validated so they can feel secure, and find our own validation in fulfilling that mandate.
The issue is, that now days there is much less need for the type of protection that was needed in the past. Very few of us are out hunting in order to survive, or fighting off the neighboring tribe, or building our own shelters.
Now women have the rights and access to resources (yes I know that is still somewhat debatable), to fund their own lives and buy their own homes.... in short, to create their own layers of protection.
So men's rolls, to a large extent, have changed such that we (more many of us), are left a little confused and bereft of answers.
There’s no roadmap for this. We’ve been raised to believe protection means control or stepping in with aggression when things go wrong.
That aggression, that fire, isn’t something to dismiss. It has its place. We, society and our partners need it. The key is learning how to use it in a way that’s integrous and mature. It’s not about softening what makes us men but finding new ways to channel those traits.
This idea of protection is evolving. Instead of trying to shield someone from their insecurities, it’s about holding a healthy container where both partners can thrive.
It’s recognizing that all aspects of ourselves—our strength, our assertiveness, even our aggression—are valuable. They’re not problems to be solved but tools to be used wisely. When we show up with emotional and mental strength, we allow space for something deeper to happen.
What a beautiful time we are (hopefully) coming into, where we can let go of the old messages and begin to embrace a more creative, powerful, collaborative, and mature way of holding both men and women in their true, authentic natures. It’s not about denying our masculinity or stepping back from what makes us men. It’s about having integrity and grit in how we show up.
The traditional protector role isn’t going away—it’s transforming. We’re not walking away from the qualities that make us who we are. Instead, we’re learning to wield them with wisdom, to know when to bring aggression and when to hold back, when to stand strong and when to step into partnership. This is a new form of protection—one that’s conscious and rooted in mutual respect.
And yes, protection is still needed. But it’s taking new forms that aren’t confined to aggression or dominance. We’re not softening; we’re evolving. The way we protect now includes standing firm in our values, creating a container for healthy connection, and allowing space for both ourselves and our partners to grow.
This is the balance we’re finding. It’s not about being soft, safe, or passive. It’s about being strong, present, and aware. This new energy allows both men and women to step into their full power without compromise. We’re not leaving any parts of ourselves behind—we’re bringing all of it with us into this new, healthier dynamic.
Love to you all,
James
PS- I'm doing another free Webinar on Sunday September 29th! I'd love to see you. Click here to register.
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