Welcome to this space where I share stories, connect, and reflect on life's journey in a deeply human and more personal way. Like conversation with friends. For more educational topics and themes you might want to visit Somatic Pleasure and explore what’s on offer there.
And (here’s the only sell), I will be leading a free webinar called Touch and Sensation Mastery, on Sunday, August 25 at 10am PST. You can check out the info here.
The Genius of Deconstruction
According to some visions or versions of life, I did mine slightly backward. Or maybe it’s that I did it just right and decided to regress and redo my 20’s in my 40’s. Either way I have had a hell of a lot of fun and undid at least some of the f*cked up programming I received in my younger years.
I became a father at 18, joined the Marine Corps at about the same time.
Didn’t get to college until I was about 29. Then became a grandfather by 43.
Hell, that’s when the Norman Rockwell life plan would have had me getting close to retirement and settling into middle age. But... well, let’s just say that hasn’t been my experience.
Now, going into my 60’s, I am starting on a whole new upswing of creative activity, writing and teaching.
I suppose that I am going to post a series of newsletters talking about my experiences until I get it out of my system. I hope you will bear with me in this systemic flush because there is no way to lay this journey out in one or two emails.
The Renaissance Life
“Life is hard but I KNOW there is a better way to live.”
This has been my deep conviction, my mantra, and my rallying cry since I can remember. And that one thought has taken me to some very dark and weird places, as well as places of pure, unfettered joy and love. Mostly it has taken me on this long journey of conscious (usually) deconstruction.
Explanatory interlude
My use of the word "Deconstruction" only loosely aligns with Jacques Derrida’s Deconstruction Theory in the sense that you can’t just tear something down for the sake of tearing it down. We need the old to help give meaning and form to the new, and the new to give reason to the old. Way too much to elucidate fully here.
My personal deconstruction has been about making space for authenticity. It’s about looking at my life with eyes wide open and seeing it for what it is, or was, and learning how to work with that reality, and make sense of it.
After my first divorce, a time when I had to face myself in ways I never imagined, I had to go through years of undoing the fear based structuring (also called conditioning); the kind that my whole sense of worth was based on. The structures that say, “when you achieve these forms of success, you will be worthy and happy.” (Keeping up with the Joneses?)
It was then, in a place of mind-numbing despair, I made a formal decision to crawl my way out of that paradigm and discover for myself this “better way.”
I went from Yuppie to Hippie almost over night - long hair, pierced ears and bare feet… that was a wild ride, and that was when I started down the sometimes weird and dark roads... everything from Science of Mind (not a church..?) to psychedelic journeys, pillow beating “Empowerment” workshops to 10-day silent meditation retreats, and everything in-between.
It finally dawned on me that the “better way to live” wasn’t to be found in some magical, redemptive, process or methodology, and it sure as hell isn’t going to be found in some savior or guru; not that all those don’t have some wisdom and value in them.
For me it has been about integrating, moving forward, learning more, leaning in, AND stepping out. It is the Renaissance life.
It’s being out in nature and moving my body in new and novel ways. Exploring places and new communities. Learning a language…. Planning an experience of ecstasies… building the resilience to navigate the vagaries of life.
I learned that life will present all the opportunities to experience newness/novelty and expression of expansive self. I only need to slow down long enough to listen, to hear the call and the direction.
WE ARE MEANT TO THRIVE AND FLOURISH IN THIS LIFE, IN THIS WORLD!
Coming out of many years of consciously and unconsciously, unstructured living (deconstructing conditioning and perceptions), and desiring to come back into a place of structure and focus…..with a more aware and healthy perception.
Now I have the opportunity to restructure from a more aware and gentle place.
The old ways rear their heads often and I developed some habits that are now needing to be undone as well.
I’m having to open and reopen places in my body and mind.
I am having to face myself in an ever deeper way. Habits, patterns of behavior, self sabotaging… Faced with the question every day “do you really want this James?”
This question keeps me aligned with my true desires and helps me move forward with a clearer, healthier perception and path.
Through this process, I've met many truly amazing people who have enriched my journey. Now I am on a mission to interview them and present them to the world. I invite you to check out the recorded interviews on my Youtube channel.
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